My name is Nikki Richardson and I want to share with you my personal testimony. I was born in 1973 in Indianapolis, Indiana were I know reside. My chilhood years were ok until I reached the age of 9 , that's is the age of when my molestation started happening. I remember the first time it started ,my mom had to turn herself in every friday to spend the weekend in jail because someone had told that she was getting welfare and working at the same time. That first friday is when it happened my brother and sisters father had been drinking and came home and told me to come and sit on his lap, that is when the fondling started happening. I did not know what was happening but I knew it wasn't right, as he was fondling he told me if I ever told anyone about this he would kill me and my mother. This and other incidents happened to me for 4 years of my life, my life after that was never the same. I remember the torment I used to feel, by blaming myself ,being ashamed, feeling unloved and unwanted, feelings of suicide and murder. Yes murder I remember a particular night my mom and him were asleep and I stood over him with a knife wanting to end it all. I felt so insecure about myself, people would tell me how pretty I was but inside I felt like the ugliest person on earth.My mom kept me sheltered as well, I was timed when I would go to the store,couldn't stay after school for anything, had to stay in front of the house to play, I know she meant well but at the time I felt I was being tortured. At the age of 14 i met my daughters father, I thought he was fine as wine. I would run away from home weeks on end to be with him he was my way out of the house. But not long after I was head over heels ,he started hitting me and at that time I had just started my first job at a nursing home with my grandmother and had earned my first check and gave all the money to him. That's when the pattern of taking care of deadbeats started. I had my daughter when I was 16 and I ended up living with my grandmother, because my mom and I were not getting along. So that is when my life took another turn for the worst. My granmother would volunteer to watch my daughter and I took advantage of that, that is when I started hanging in the streets. I still was there for my daughter and still worked, but the older she got the more I started hanging. I slept with anyone who would give me any compliment or any attention, because I thought that was the way I would get to a mans heart by sleeping with them and doing anything they told me to do. I started drinking and smoking, because they drank and smoked. At 19 I met my sons father and at 20 I had my son. my sons father and I were together for 4 years and all those 4 years I worked and he didn't. The last year we were together I lost my apartment and we ended up staying with his dad, while we were still living there he broke up with me and left me there to stay while he went to live with the girl he was cheating on me with. I was devestated and that took me awhile to get over, so while I am getting over it I am smoking weed heavily and drinking heavily. Smoking weed led to smoking primos and that is when I just started to get addicted to the cocaine. Soon after that is all I basically worked for my kids were with my grandmother I still had a job but after I would give my grandmother money for the kids I spent the rest on cocaine. I was at a dead end and I knew I needed help so I called my mom and after she got off of work she picked me up and took me to rehab and I stayed and got treatment and came out with flying colors, but I was still ashamed and insecure and hurt from my past. When I got back to work I became friends with a man who is now my husband, and he accepted me when everybody else at worked shunned me because they found out I was in rehab. He would talk to me about God sometimes, but we were getting closer and closer to each other. So I ended up going out of town with him to hear him sing and we became more than friends after that. We started living together and I had relapsed because of the torment of my past and because I did not think I deserved someone who truly loved me for me. So I started to try to sabatoge our relationship by hurting him first before he hurt me, and it would frustrate me because he never left. We started a detail business and while we at work the police came and locked my husband up, and while he was in jail for 2 weeks I was getting high. But 3 days before he was to be released I felt like I was about to have a nervous breakdown I was high, broke and all of the feelings from my past started tormenting me again and I just got on my knees and cried out to the Lord to help me and from that moment on my life has not been the same.....
I just wanted to give you a little part of my testimony I hoped you enjoyed it. and GOD BLESS
PS.30:5 SAYS ' WEEPING MAY ENDURE FOR A NIGHT, BUT JOY COMES IN THE MORNING'